Ramadhan Day 4

Salam Ramadhan fellow friends and to all Sisterhood Muslims..

It's day 4 of Ramadhan. Lapse of time has taken on toll. Workload was to dear too company for the past month. Meetings day and night. Hence for the lack of updates. Papers to review upon submission. Too many. I'm picking up the steeps to be back on track.

And adik, just when you were about to see him regaining back from the loss he'd been through, the doc's mere voice proclaiming adik need to be monitored closely and further test procedure need to be conducted, were like a knife struck straight into my heart. i mean like, admitted again? Apparently it seems adik's body did not reacted the way that it must upon the previous medication prescribed hence not much of a progress he made. Ohh why?

Poor adik..It's like pouring salt to an open wound when Doctor Amir, upon hearing the symptoms adik tends to exhibit, i.e odd and bizarre behavior (talking craps few times like i mention in prev post, depression, mourning to himself and some of the time he seem to be in the state of delusion or best said hallucinate), has pretty much encouraged adik to see Psychiatrist. Not to mention the neuro team he were about to meet this morning. So, there goes, the list of test & persons needed in regaining back his composure, the person he once was. Now tell me, how can i be any happier knowing the state he's in?

I know this is the holy month of Ramadhan, a month of ocean-wide blessings. I must adapt and seek continuous dua from Allah without fail. Seeing him in such pain, giving the situation he's in, i got carried away easily and strewn. I am always at the verge to cry. Amidst of all the bitterness, i sincerely hope for a silver lining to shine towards the coming eid.

Thank you for all the prayers friends &  family.

Adam on the other hand, conjuring well to the surroundings given the new skills he developed every now and then. Like counting 1-10 for example. In his very own version. One, Two, silence, pour (4), pie (5), silence again, benn (7), teyyy (8), silence, and Tennnnnnn! Hand clapping eagerly of course praising himself. Argh, he never fail to put a smile on me despite all the miseries. 

Sejadah pun boleh untuk lap tayar kereta *_*

flame of hope

the past couple of days haven't exactly been a joy ride to the seaside. indeed. all i have this one hope.. for adik to regain and bounce back.

i am deeply taken by adik's current condition. it's pushing me over the edge. he's weak. he loss his faith in himself and what's more in life. and i find myself sobbing cat and dogs. i felt sorry for him. walking around with a heavy cloud above my head is so not my cup of tea.

After being saddled with so many issues surrounding adik's condition, slowly but surely I felt like I was going to crack. Crack from the pressure, the sheer exhaustion, juggling family and work priorities, all of this while still having to put up a smile at the end of the day and reassure everyone that everything will be alright. I wish i could tell the world he'll soon be running up again, hassling the futsal's court and tennis might as well. Very soon. But far from the ordeal for now. 

He is still battling himself. H was diagnosed with SLE, and warded for 4 days at Sunway Medical Center to undergo MRI and series of test relativity to rectify his illness for further treatment. Not to mention the frustration he's handling emotionally. 

I myself had my schedule all ruin. With the husband who's not around coping the given situation. Imagine myself pick up Adam at 5 everyday after work and meet dayah (Hasif's gf) before wheeling straight to Sunway where the rest of the family members were already taking turns looking after him and only left for home at 12-ish midnight. Exhausted physically and emotionally drained out. 

See him? Shrinking. Thank you Allah to all who paid him a visit. It has enlighten him in some ways.

Further exacerbate his condition, He has this "bende" from his inner self. An evil voice from inside. The doctor has been considerate enough and entitled him for a month MC in order for him to recuperate. Being home, with hope to makes him feel better, neither helped much. Last night, we were all dining together, where he abruptly stood up and went to the main door grasping his car key. i asked, "adik nak pegi mana?" he then replied huskily, "adik nak pegi sembahyang. dah lewat ni"..it was 10pm by the way..so, i then quest him back, "adik nak pegi sembahayang kat mana?"..he looked outside and said "adik nak pegi sembahyang bawah pokok tu"..at that time, i realize that was not him. the evil voice is playing part. 

Abah has brought him twice to Darrulsyifa'. They gave him "air penawar" to get rids of the demons. We were asked to recite Yassin everyday. Till date, he has not shown further improvement. Or just yet maybe. I know, healing takes time. He sometimes mourned himself, and cry like a baby repenting for his wrongdoings. Dwelling over his sins. It breaks my heart seeing him in pain. Seeing him growling in disoriented was never in picture. He was the type who speaks out for wants and very determined with what he choose. 

I hope one fine day, i'll be seeing him coming home all sweating from Tennis and insist me for a cup of coffee. Yes, he said i made kaw coffee one. I miss him. I miss outing with him. I miss arguing him on politics and goofing out and about the town. I need to see him back in his best composure. Adam needs his Uncle Chip. He needs company for football. The house need some cheering up for the coming Ramadhan.

Dear Allah, if it's not much for me to seek, please granted this one flame hope of mine. Amin.