alhamdulillah

Oh i have not jot down for quite sometimes! Work has always been the arch of nemesis. Duhh, what else kan? anak pun baru sorang kott :p

A little recap on the little brother - all in a nutshell, i shall praise my highest gratitude to Him - the guidance and the most merciful. Alhamdulillah, the silver lining has made it's way to us. Blessings in continuity. Little brother has now gather back the pieces he left or might had fallen somewhere, becoming the him i longed miss. He's back! Despite having to make a visit once a month to the hospital for the medication & consultation, hello hello to the attending psychiatrist, few more chemo cycles for him to complete, the tablets that needs to go through his throat, rather than that, alhamdulillah! The ordeal he went through was a chocking one i must say. Not easy for him to digest the fact, in the kind of nervous anticipation and all, of but for now alhamdulillah he finally bounce back. Cannot wait to start work some more he claims! He indeed has done amazing feats for betterment. 

Thank you Allah and to the Sunway team who'd had been cooperative and gleaming enough provided the hospitality. 

And to end my short note here, i would very much delighted to make a shout out to my dearest xetxet, congratulations! congratulations! and congratulations! 1.the "two lines", then the Wisma, and last but not least, fourtyfour! yeayy! see, i told u kan, rezeki orang baru kawen :) u take care okay.

Ramadhan Day 4

Salam Ramadhan fellow friends and to all Sisterhood Muslims..

It's day 4 of Ramadhan. Lapse of time has taken on toll. Workload was to dear too company for the past month. Meetings day and night. Hence for the lack of updates. Papers to review upon submission. Too many. I'm picking up the steeps to be back on track.

And adik, just when you were about to see him regaining back from the loss he'd been through, the doc's mere voice proclaiming adik need to be monitored closely and further test procedure need to be conducted, were like a knife struck straight into my heart. i mean like, admitted again? Apparently it seems adik's body did not reacted the way that it must upon the previous medication prescribed hence not much of a progress he made. Ohh why?

Poor adik..It's like pouring salt to an open wound when Doctor Amir, upon hearing the symptoms adik tends to exhibit, i.e odd and bizarre behavior (talking craps few times like i mention in prev post, depression, mourning to himself and some of the time he seem to be in the state of delusion or best said hallucinate), has pretty much encouraged adik to see Psychiatrist. Not to mention the neuro team he were about to meet this morning. So, there goes, the list of test & persons needed in regaining back his composure, the person he once was. Now tell me, how can i be any happier knowing the state he's in?

I know this is the holy month of Ramadhan, a month of ocean-wide blessings. I must adapt and seek continuous dua from Allah without fail. Seeing him in such pain, giving the situation he's in, i got carried away easily and strewn. I am always at the verge to cry. Amidst of all the bitterness, i sincerely hope for a silver lining to shine towards the coming eid.

Thank you for all the prayers friends &  family.

Adam on the other hand, conjuring well to the surroundings given the new skills he developed every now and then. Like counting 1-10 for example. In his very own version. One, Two, silence, pour (4), pie (5), silence again, benn (7), teyyy (8), silence, and Tennnnnnn! Hand clapping eagerly of course praising himself. Argh, he never fail to put a smile on me despite all the miseries. 

Sejadah pun boleh untuk lap tayar kereta *_*

flame of hope

the past couple of days haven't exactly been a joy ride to the seaside. indeed. all i have this one hope.. for adik to regain and bounce back.

i am deeply taken by adik's current condition. it's pushing me over the edge. he's weak. he loss his faith in himself and what's more in life. and i find myself sobbing cat and dogs. i felt sorry for him. walking around with a heavy cloud above my head is so not my cup of tea.

After being saddled with so many issues surrounding adik's condition, slowly but surely I felt like I was going to crack. Crack from the pressure, the sheer exhaustion, juggling family and work priorities, all of this while still having to put up a smile at the end of the day and reassure everyone that everything will be alright. I wish i could tell the world he'll soon be running up again, hassling the futsal's court and tennis might as well. Very soon. But far from the ordeal for now. 

He is still battling himself. H was diagnosed with SLE, and warded for 4 days at Sunway Medical Center to undergo MRI and series of test relativity to rectify his illness for further treatment. Not to mention the frustration he's handling emotionally. 

I myself had my schedule all ruin. With the husband who's not around coping the given situation. Imagine myself pick up Adam at 5 everyday after work and meet dayah (Hasif's gf) before wheeling straight to Sunway where the rest of the family members were already taking turns looking after him and only left for home at 12-ish midnight. Exhausted physically and emotionally drained out. 

See him? Shrinking. Thank you Allah to all who paid him a visit. It has enlighten him in some ways.

Further exacerbate his condition, He has this "bende" from his inner self. An evil voice from inside. The doctor has been considerate enough and entitled him for a month MC in order for him to recuperate. Being home, with hope to makes him feel better, neither helped much. Last night, we were all dining together, where he abruptly stood up and went to the main door grasping his car key. i asked, "adik nak pegi mana?" he then replied huskily, "adik nak pegi sembahyang. dah lewat ni"..it was 10pm by the way..so, i then quest him back, "adik nak pegi sembahayang kat mana?"..he looked outside and said "adik nak pegi sembahyang bawah pokok tu"..at that time, i realize that was not him. the evil voice is playing part. 

Abah has brought him twice to Darrulsyifa'. They gave him "air penawar" to get rids of the demons. We were asked to recite Yassin everyday. Till date, he has not shown further improvement. Or just yet maybe. I know, healing takes time. He sometimes mourned himself, and cry like a baby repenting for his wrongdoings. Dwelling over his sins. It breaks my heart seeing him in pain. Seeing him growling in disoriented was never in picture. He was the type who speaks out for wants and very determined with what he choose. 

I hope one fine day, i'll be seeing him coming home all sweating from Tennis and insist me for a cup of coffee. Yes, he said i made kaw coffee one. I miss him. I miss outing with him. I miss arguing him on politics and goofing out and about the town. I need to see him back in his best composure. Adam needs his Uncle Chip. He needs company for football. The house need some cheering up for the coming Ramadhan.

Dear Allah, if it's not much for me to seek, please granted this one flame hope of mine. Amin.

saat mata bertaut

*_*

strength in him

Dedicated to my lil brother. InsyaAllah you're one piece of a courage one would envy.

my girlfriend got hitched!

zetty finally ties the knot to her beloved... and i am one (amongst many many out there) happy mankind on earth.

see how enthralled she was on becoming Mrs. Bunion?

The Beautiful: Mr. & Mrs. Bunion..match made in heaven insyaAllah.

xetxet dear, 

My Greatest wish for the two of you is that through the years your love for each other will so deepen and grow, that years from now you will look back on this day, your wedding day, as the day you loved each other the most. Welcome to the new chapter of life.  

For further acknowledge on her wedding, the dress and all, see here. She got it all detailed out. Very inspiring.

So, i guess may i welcome you to the club xetxet! :)

ps: have you read what i wrote in your guest book? please take note and do so yeah!:p hugss!ohh pix are courtesy from leenz fb. *_*

Tuesday Thought #2

bile adam nak dapat adik ni?

too adorable she is.

Those are the frequent most favorable Q i foresee nowadays.

No one can answer that question except for us, and boy, is it a tough one. YES.

Some say it's even harder than deciding whether to have a first child — because you're not just talking about having a baby, you're talking about changing a family.

With each new child one have to think about how that baby will affect your lifestyle, FINANCES especially, work, relationships, and, of course, your other kids. And if you listen to the word on the street, growing your family by one means more than double the work for Mom and Dad. There are just so much. Plus, i'm also planning to further studies and i cannot afford juggling assignments and baby both at the same time. Both requires 150% attention. No kidding.

So me and hubs had our pillow talk moment to ourselves regarding this. We talk (deep), brought up all the acquaintances..Adam will turn 3 next year. Hubs said "oh look at him. i see him as a tiny baby still, belum puas lagi bemanja dgn Adam".. i then replied, "sayang, he'll forever be a baby at heart".. and we're 28! *_*

And what i concerned most, once a second child is born, i would feel guilty that i can no longer spend as much time with Adam. Fortunately children receive attention and learn from each other. Will i be able to cope? Can i deliberate my role well? Hmm..

Oh well.. it was only quarter through and we both fell fast asleep. to be continue then..

ps: i want pink *hint* :p

wordless wednesday # 12

i love my honey b

particularly because

x

x

x

x

X

X

X

he sew ALL my torn kaftan with love.:P

I LOVE YOU HONEY B!